It was funny because
Sam my roommate had said
that without meaning to he'd
gone with two other friends
to see what he thought was going to be
a movie at the local theatre that used to
show art films, and instead it was this
revival thing, a play called Heaven's
Gates, Hell's Flames, a free show where
four churches united and provided actresses
to play good honest folk, and oh yeah, sinners
nevermind the whole acting is lying thing and
all the conflicts over Everyman and morality
plays in the fifteenth century when playing the devil
meant courting demonic possession and no woman
would be dressed up in front of an audience anyway
afterall isn't that why women can't be preachers
in the Catholic church, because they would be on
display?
So this was funny because Sam isn't quite an atheist
even though maybe he'd like to be, but you in some
ways have to be brought up in that faith like any
other one, and really being brought up cynical
like that really eliminates the fall from innocence
most Catholics experience at their retreats or
one-week camps. I for example was extremely
disdainful of bible stories when I was six years
old, which means I've never been drawn to
fiction, which means I have no imagination.
When he told it he was laughing because he said he
was laughing when he shouldn't and quiet when
everyone else was laughing, the whole theatre
which by the way has a 1920's Egyptian art deco
revival motif, and Horus and golden lions are
watching this too, along with the main audience
which was as cliche as you want to imagine it.
Before I give you the blow by blow though
I want to mention that the playbill was
awesome. It was reversable. You could flip it
over and Hell's Flames looked like the hair
of a doomed maiden, and I don't think it was
intentional, see, the design was straight from
the seventies and if you were a rock band
imitating Led Zeppelin you wouldn't have
gone far wrong in choosing this particular
design.
Who knows where they got it, probably from
a church basement, but the play had eleven acts
all short, all skits really, showing your neighbors
and family and friends doing things that might
get them into hell or heaven, but everyone assuming
of course, that they were going to heaven. Sam and his friends
spent their time betting on who would be going where, so
you know where their irreverance will get them. They were
dead on most of these people, I mean what do you think would happen
if there were a good Catholic woman and her daughter was
a sweet blonde virgin who'd accepted Jesus recently, and her
husband was meditating when you were praying together, well
Buddhists have it all wrong, this world is not an illusion, and hell
is all too hot, so when the wife goes to heaven with a big 'ol smile,
it's absolutely no surprise.
Sam and Melissa start thinking in the middle of all this story
about their own experiences with organized religion, and
I think, even I say "thank god" when things are going well,
so despite my rose quartz Kuan Yin and all the rocks I collect
on walks to populate my bookcases, I'm only a stone's throw
from these midwest evangelicals' designs on my frail person
I do know how to repent, I also know how to assign blame.
I spend my mornings on Tuesdays and Thursdays at a Panera bread cafe with
other graduate students reading theory for our particular
disciplines, listening to the feed of Miles Davis 'Kind of Blue'
and the local classical music station playing Sibelius, and
often enough I eavesdrop on people's conversations
especially when they're loud or to my mind laughable
minds.
Panera gets groups of stay-at-home-moms
and retirees. They sit at Panera from eight until
one on any given morning and talk about their kids
and husbands with an air of understanding, as though
they could see the "entire aspect of the risen world--that link
of structure on structure, crossing one roadway after another,
in an endless array of things," a vision of their own family
that defies concern, that expands beyond the "problematic map"
of their interactions, and presses past the shield of my child
mind, past the cynicism of close-held belief, a "topography of ego"
I must acknowledge as keeping me safe and silent.