i've noticed that i'm becoming easily persuaded by internal forces. my spleen suggests i buy just one more pack of cigarettes and i comply. femur thinks sleep for just a few hours would be a great idea and i guess i do too. of course it's my brain that does the most damage. it's unfair that that it gets to set the debate, argue both sides and determine the outcome. i wonder if there is part of my brain that i don't know very well. at least that part is very quiet because i generally only hear the arguments for why i should do such and such. and they're always such great arguments.
oh minnesota.
all of the sudden, i'm not a serial monogamist. that's what the bumper sticker said. i followed the car on my bike. it was downhill and the driver was getting nervous that someone driving a bicycle was going so fast. it's easy to read the bumper stickers off of slow moving vehicles. just try it. but then, i want to be. maybe not the part about serial but certainly the other part. i think 4 is a large enough number to be comfortable with that sort of decision. it's not.
oh minnesota.
in three weeks, i will return somewhere for once. to be honest though, who cares. it's merely a distraction from that other stuff. literally, it's stuff. it goes into bean bags. that's a lie. not the bean bags, the stuff. basically it's like this, ...next.
oh minnesota.
i'm in a strange place right now. half way between thought and truth. it's an empty place. even when i do make decisions, i remain. endlessly walking aimlessly. it used to be one crisis after another. at least then i had some reference point. empty vessel, prepared for loading. we'll travel the sea together, i promise. please come aboard. i've got a number of rather cozy rooms. i suppose that's what advertising is for. now, i can't really tell if it's a crisis or just existence. i've paired down to two essential moods. whimsical and cynical. it is in these moods that either everything matters but it doesn't make sense or nothing matters and that is all that makes sense. and then a spark, however meaningless...
oh minnesota.
