Pardon me sir, but your head is too small. Might I suggest a hat, a sou'wester or a trilby, perhaps a cagoule or an oilskin? Perhaps a Mitre with a peaked spire or a Panamanian fedora with a wren’s foot hatband, or a Hovey toque with a woollen tassel. Perhaps a wraparound cangue or a scarf long enough to cover your topknot or a tonsure cut with a strop razor. If I may might I suggest a hydrocephalic puffed-up or a hard whack to the head with a shunter’s stick, or perhaps a stiffer upper lip? Here is my card, yes, it is quite bourgeois, and the number to my Blackberry, and here, take this, a map to the bordello across the street from the foot-binder’s, a sometimes acquaintance of mine, though I scarcely give him the time of day. Yes, and might I suggest one last thing…oh, excuse me, my Raspberry is pulsing.
